Saying Goodbye to 2009

This may be my final post for 2009 and that is a welcoming thought for me. I am ready to put this year to bed and look forward to better things to come in 2010.

2009 started out with a bang - literally. It's hard to believe it's been almost a year since that fateful day when my friend and neighbor chose to end his life. While it's become easier to talk about Eric's decision to leave this world, losing your will to live is something I do not believe I will ever comprehend. I am no longer filled with the anger I initially felt afer his suicide and find it easier to recall happier times associated with Eric. I can only hope Eric found the peace he felt eluded him while living.

A year living in tough economical times has helped me focus more on what truly matters to me. I've spent time letting go of emotional and physical clutter from my life, reconnecting with friends I'd lost contact with over the years, and committing to making "me" - my health and welfare - a top priority in my own life.

I'm learning to set goals and create action plans to acheive my goals, not just wishing things were different. I'm still a work in progress, but find it easier to get back on track when I waiver from the healther life habits I've adopted through the past year. I have made a promise to myself - to continue on my path to becoming the best I can be in 2010 and look forward to sharing my experiences along with way with you.

All the best in the coming year!

Tis The Season For Exhaustion

It's December 1, 2009. WOW. I spent some time on my lunch hour yesterday designing my holiday greeting cards and have just fine-tuned the layout. This year, I'll be addressing envelopes to former classmates for the first time in 30 years, thanks to recent reuinion activities and the Class website. It just felt more personal to be sending a card I've created and not one off the shelves this year. It'll probably take me right up until Christmas to actually assemble and mail, but I think it's worth my effort.

I'm only partially through my holiday gift buying and sticking to a pretty strict budget. It's challenging to find meaningful gifts that have a use or a purpose every year. I've turned to more creative gift-giving the past few years, like making charitable donations in honor of a friend or family member.

This holiday season, I am grateful to have my health, a job, a roof over my head, food in the pantry, and the ability to truly appreciate that in these difficult economic times, they are the gifts in life that truly matter. I've found donating household items has been a great way to simplify my own life - shedding the weight of excess -and hopefully helping someone who has been less fortunate this year.

As 2009 winds down, I realize how blessed I am to have a life filled with loving family & friends and I look forward with hope in my heart for a wonderful 2010.

High School Reunion

This weekend my High School class is holding a reunion in Quincy, Massachusetts. I will not be attending, but have already contacted someone on the list who has promised to be my eyes and ears at this event [thanks, Heather!]

Thanksgiving is only 2 days away - and this year, I am thankful to Sharon and my other classmates who have taken time from their busy lives to create our class website and organize the reunion! Every new contact I make with an old friend is like receiving a new gift. And you can never have too many of those!

Sampling a little Tater Salad on Saturday Night...

This Saturday, I'm off to enjoy the comedic antics of Ron "Tater Salad" White with my friend and neighbor, Carrie. She picked up the tickets as a surprise to me, since we've both chuckled every time we've seen a taped show with Ron White in it. I realize his unique brand of humor may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I do find him funny. We normally catch shows at the Tempe Improv but this Saturday's show is in the Dodge Theater, a much larger forum. I need to pack a few tissues, since I expect to laugh so hard I'll cry! Will let you know what I think of this show! Let's hope Tater's on his game...

The Holidays are Coming...

Another festive holiday season is upon us. 20 years ago, I would have ordered custom printed holiday cards and spent hours working on my holiday card mailing list, writing out individual messages to friends and family. The year I moved to Arizona, I created my own season's greeting combination here's-my-new-address cards and mailed them out. That was 6 years ago and probably the last year I truly put any serious effort into the mailing of holiday cards.

With the prices of stamps going up, pressures to be less wasteful, more "green" and the cost of buying 100 holiday cards each year, I've whittled down my list of must sends... and swapped out snail mail for email greetings to many. My holiday card selections of late, mark-downs picked up at the end of a prior season.

This year, I'm find myself totally unprepared and feeling on the fence for what to do this year.

Do I go get full-price cards, create my own cards, write a newsletter, or skip them altogether this year? And, if I decide to post holiday greetings this year, will they even be ready in time?
As Thanksgiving quickly approaches - I wish you all a wonderful holiday season filled with warm, joyful moments... and if you don't receive a personally penned note this year,

I hope you'll find it in your hearts to understand!

Happy Holidays to all!

Promises, Promises

Some days I can blog about everything that comes to mind. Other times, I find putting the things that matter most to me in my life right now hardest to put in print. Perhaps because writing them puts them out there and makes it harder for me to ignore.

I consider myself a fairly honest, straightforward person. But, the person I am most likely to dishonor is me. It's mid-November and I've made quite a few promises to myself throughout 2009 and realize I've yet to follow through completely on any of them. Sure, I have some success, but I seem to fall just short of completion. I realize my own stalling tactics are the hardest hurdles of all. So, this month, I've been working hard to address those issues, get myself back on track and accountable to myself for seeing things through.

One of my goals was to incorporate regular exercise into my day - which I've consistently achieved since early Spring. I picked up "The Automatic Diet" book by Charles Stuart Platkin a few months ago and started reading. His basic approach is to swap out unhealthy habits for healthier options until they become automatic. Walking has become part of my daily routine, just like making the bed. That's not to say I wake up every morning eager to put on my sneakers! Some mornings I feel like hitting the snooze button and skipping the walk altogether - but the realization my neighbor and walking buddy will be pounding on my back door in minutes if I'm not outside prevents me from slipping back into my more sedentary ways.

Another goal is to lose weight and improve my overall health. The Automatic Diet covers this too, suggesting you create a blueprint for achieving your goals. I've worked hard on creating my short term, medium term and long term goals, yet I find myself not quite completing my game plan for how I'm going to achieve my goal. I realize by not completing this task, I'm blocking my own road to success - allowing my fear of failure to leave me in some sort of holding pattern. When discussing this with my co-worker, she simply replied - "you just need to get off your fanny and do it!".... She is right (thanks, T). I am resolved to overcoming this hurdle and hope that I will be writing an update on how far I've come since today's confession!

While I'm unburdening myself, I'll confess I still have not completed the office re-organization - another emotionally uncomfortable task I have been avoiding. Several self-imposed deadlines have passed and I've extended them so many times, I've lost count. But, again, the only way for me to enjoy the tranquil, inviting creativity space I've envisioned in the room I refer to as my home office is to get on with it. [your thoughtful suggestions and inspirational pearls of wisdom gladly accepted]

So, it is my sincere intent to work harder at keeping promises I make to myself. I want to achieve these important goals I've set for myself. I want to prove to myself that I am truly a person of my word, just not someone who's all talk. Wish me success!

Playing the hand you're dealt

So, I've been blogging alot lately about reconnecting with school mates I haven't seen in years. This week, I reached out by phone to Caroline; my best friend from 3rd grade through high school!

Caroline and I were always together. If I tallied the hours in each year from junior high school to the day I left for college, I wouldn't be surprised to find I spent more hours at Caroline's house than I did my own. Caroline and I did everything together - we both got our licenses on the same day [even though I was almost a year older than Caroline, I waited until she was old enough to apply.] We won tickets to our first concert (Elton John!) from a local radio station. We enjoyed many sleepovers in her basement - baking cookies, frosting our own hair (does anyone remember Quiet Touch?) and mooning over boys.

One summer during our teenage years, Caroline's cousin came over from England to visit. Josie was everything Caroline and I were not - a bit older, worldly, sexy and exotic. In a very homogenous town, she was different. And, she caught the attention of the boys in ways Caroline and I had never dreamed possible. I envied her. I think Caroline may have, too. We spent an entire summer in Josie's shadow. I longed to be exotic, thin, pretty with dark hair and a foreign accent. In essence, I longed to be Josie. I would have given anything to trade lives with her at that moment.

After our graduation from high school, my decision to attend college out of state changed our paths forever. Caroline stayed home and ventured into the working world, while I pursued my Bachelor of Arts degree 5 hours away. I came home for winter and summer breaks - but by then we'd both changed. We kept in touch through cards, letters and the occasional phone call - but our lack of shared experiences gave us less to bond over. My parents moved out of state during my senior year of college and I never returned to my childhood home again. Caroline eventually married and started her family. Our contact trickled down to Holiday cards with photos of her growing family and eventually even that was lost.

My conversation this week with Caroline was our first contact in years. During the call, Caroline caught me up on her life and family. I was saddened to learn her Dad had lost his life to cancer about 4 years earlier. I was shocked to hear that Caroline's cousin Josie had unexpectedly died last winter.

Learning of her death made me stop and think about envying others instead of truly appreciating the gift of my own life. If I had known as a teenager that Josie would be dead at 50, would I have been so willing to have traded places? I hope that I can remember to truly appreciate the hand I've been dealt in this life. I hope I can remember that envying someone else's perceived hand when you can't see all their cards is pointless. The hand you've been dealt may very well be just as good, or better.